In the end that never comes the only thing that matters is the truth.What never comes is the end of things that are felt and hiding somewhere else.
Not in the heart no more nor playing with my soul keeping it company.
Not in my head, not in my bed, somewhere else where what is said is not believed.
Like I always tried to get across, I won’t be cross, if every word you speak is real.
Not spiel, not lies, not stories round alibis that bore me to sighs and shrink me.
Not tiny glances, or one more chances, or weights on my back that sink me.
Tell your mates you link me and like me the kind of guy you could marry or might be.
I’m not a might be I am me. The Only.
In the end the only truth that matters is yours.
A million questions with a long pause.
Always ready for your phone calls, sometimes waiting but I knew they would come.
Never bored, the laughs roared and the smiles rose like the sun.
But like the sun it dawns and when it becomes too easy so do the yawns.
It’s not about the questions. They’re hardly ever answered.
Should I have regrets that your lips lay so very close to mine and our eyes spoke so many different words? Walking on the empty street to yours, if I were more of a sober man in spirit would of our thoughts been heard? If I weren’t so much in hope of writing us as if we were a tale, could what we were heading for been something too creative to not be real.
In the end the only thing that doesn’t matter is my truth.
The mocking accents and the words that dribbled off your tongue.
The way you took my accent, & people noticed and said ‘Why are you speaking like James Gunn’.
Like my bum? You watch my lips? Camel, Avatar, Chips and Lovely Dips.
I laughed and it was genuine. But I doubted like I had never thought to before.
Suspicious minds. Foolish hearts. Easily blinded by cheap phoney laughs.
You gave me back my living that is for definite. I was dead before I started quizzing. A clown isn’t always kidding. I’ll miss listening to you singing, as soon as I picked up when you were ringing. I always knew you would be trouble. I always knew how it would end. I never jumped into it ever expecting to come out with you as a friend. And I haven’t. But my face is not dancing around with shock written upon it.
I’m a gambler. I dare to spin. I put friendship on the line to win. More than what I had because I wanted everything. Friendship often ends in love, but love end in friendship. Never.
The closest that I came in hindsight was when we were ‘together’.
There’s 3 truths. Mine, yours and The Truth. In the end, it actually doesn’t matter.
You have and I will find something better. It’s just like your first school. A rehearsal.
Moving on to new things. And if your not coming with me then the chances are that we won’t remain friends. We had good times but they are just memories that will fade in to the past. The book of nothing. Maybe indented slightly into the heart. And I guess that’s at least something. I could sit and write a book of hateful words. A story of invisible scars versus paranoia. Pictures of a love that was fabricated, word of mouth created. Not soul on soul manipulated. Time lost waiting. Won’t come back with time spent hating.
If are mouths have not spoken to each others ears. Then your hand across my back appears like it stops my body from being able to feel. Understand that please. For once maybe I would of turned around so pleased. Brought you close to me. The way that it was supposed to be. I live with hope or I would fail to dream. But I don’t live with madness. I already appreciate that begun has not the sadness of my life. I do at the time what I think is right. I go with my senses. I live without complaint of the consequences. Your face will always make me breathe heavily. For I loved. Real but not true. I’ve walked close by your side readily but steadily. Always ready to be pushed or tripped.
I hope I fall. Upon something or someone where I don’t have to be ready. Where the doubts don’t have a place to exist. Where my lips are the only place to kiss. Where it is real. Not for needing. Not for fear. Not for Beauty. Not for Class. Not for Money. Not for Fame. Not for change. Not for being number one. But for being the only one. Where the truth is what I feel. What I see. What I hear. What I’m told. What I believe. What I know.
Truth is Beautiful.
James Gunn
