Your love still lingers in my sheets but after all these
weeks it screams at me to admit defeat. I’ve gone to war with your deceit and
now that life is looking bleak only answers can I seek. But when they don’t
come my mind is weak and all I do sit and weep, and wonder how you became a
sheep. Cos you think that you are wild and free but you’re just a sheep I see,
next to a creep or three and when I’m asleep I dream of your naivety.
I thought you should know that when I fought you in the snow
I never expected you to stay I always thought that you would go and when you
stayed I prayed that you never leave my side, and when I said I didn’t love you
then, to myself I lied. The only girl I’ve ever loved the only life I’d die
for, and part of you once died for me and for the best so I thought.
Disease has beaten me with ease. I’m sure everyone at the
party is pleased. Your family finally free of the poor, live by the sword, but
they’d run from a war. Ignorance is hard to ignore, they have you infected and
I was the cure. Cancer of the soul, a tumour in their humour, I hear people
talk of freedom but I swear that’s just rumour.
The ten year depression doesn’t seem to want to end so in
the middle of this battle I’ve only got aggression as my friend but if I’ve
ever learnt a lesson it’s to know when to pretend and all the different ways that
a man can seek revenge.
Your body was my shadow always standing by my side and now
with my eyes not watching it your back must be blind. Now when I go in to
battle I notice that my secret weapon is missing from my hand, I can’t seem to
find the reason or a clue to understand.
And as I stand defeated something seems to stop my breath
all the things that you’ve deleted are the reason for my death. The pictures of
us smiling and the one when I’m asleep, you said you’d never let us go now even
memories you don’t keep. The one that really got me was you deleting LAFB and
while I was adding zoo and gatsy pics you were making sure I was never seen.
Like I lifted you over the puddle I wish I could lift you
over the curse in your brain, because your addiction causes more pain than
rain. It’s my storm and I can’t stay afloat, because I’ve sunk before and I
can’t ride the wave again and by me you can’t be saved again. Something within
you wants to die, wants to catch the eye of every guy, behave likes cunts do,
meaningless compliments are like heroin to you, jabbed up in your arm making
you fall for meaningless charm, but you always did love the drama, back to
fucking djs aren’t ya? Groomed up to the eyeballs, manipulated by men and your
Mum, your heart beats but it beats to the sound of their drum.
I should have never started talking when my tongue is
bitter, but the more I think, everything just becomes sicker and sicker. The
hurt never leaves you, the paranoia never dies, but the truth weaves through
all the holes in your lies. Looking through the window I always wondered what
you did when I wasn’t there, and inside my drunken state I saw that you didn’t
ever care. And weeks later when I got the call, you still prolonged my pain,
lock yourself up forever, so you can never kill again. The street I walked will
still hear me weep of course, and my tears are the pen that marked them, and
you never ran, and you never rang, you hit the bar and you booked a plane and
when you see my grave I know you’ll dodge the blame. Find comfort in the
coolness of cocaine, or the guy who gave you the Valentine’s Day card under the
champagne, Rob Williamson’s girl is back restart the game.
I heard some kid got murdered by the bus stop outside of
Lidl it was on the news, I walked past it on the day you killed me, then again
the next day with a knife in my back. It was a murder scene long before his
attack. You did try to heal me though didn’t you? I hope it was love and not
guilt that we were built on. The wounds were closing but so was the curtain on
our show, and even though we’ve taken our final bow, I don’t want to let you
go. But all good things come to an end,
and I could never have you as a friend. So two souls meet, at a bar, and fall
in love, but like a shooting star it dies before our eyes, yet we talk about
that time it happened, because it’s rare and for the rest of our lives we stare
up in to the sky and wait for it to happen again, but it never does. Not for
me, not for you, not for us.
And you made me doubt my mind too, if you were ever looking
for truth I would never deny you. Once upon a time you would have fucked with
the wrong guy, but I’m just so tired of hating people like you that I don’t
try, to get you back to hurt you to the point that you don’t want to live,
fucking with your future and not give a damn, and believe me I can, but people
like you can’t ever understand. Evil is taught, ignorance brought in by the
witches who snort for a sport, an
illness that’s caught and cannot be sorted, plans that cannot be thwarted,
dream worlds, I saw the picture, I saw it twice, advice that’s not nice, I’m a
gambler but you rolled the dice.
I propose a toast, and here’s to your boast, that you are
the best liar but that I hardly believe. For the best liars, don’t boast, and
don’t get introduced to doubt, they never answer questions, whatever they’re
about. See you are the worst, because you think you’re the first, to play the
game, and to play with lives, and walk away with a back free of knives. And
when you get caught you say sorry like you meant it, but you play the game, you
never did invent it.
So when you lie awake at night, and believe that you hold
all the cards, remember imagination can think up all types of facades. And when
you think your lies are great; don’t lie to someone whose disguise is greater. I
met this girl and now I hate her, but I protected myself, because too late is
later. So when you’re asleep, or when
you belittle our story, through a text to a nobody just remember these things
for me. Did you enjoy your holiday? Or the night you couldn’t get through to my
phone? Did you enjoy waiting in the queue on your birthday? Ever wonder what
happened when your sister and I were alone?
Do I ever think about the early days, when you mocked me and treated us
as a joke. I thought about it every second, and swallowed my pride so much I
nearly choked. What you did was an almighty shame, your lies killed us in the
end, you wanted to play the game, but the rules you cannot bend. I make the
rules, because I am the game, you think you burnt me, but I am the flame.
Back to guys ringing you up asking you if you want some
drugs, do you remember how those phone calls ruined you, but you’ll do anything
to fit in with these mugs. I don’t want be near a girl, who wants a guy who has
eyebrows for a forehead, I feel sick to my gut seeing these faces and knowing
that they’ve been in your bed. I feel sorry for you and your sister, you have a
common illness, and believe me when I say this, to die is what I would rather,
than be near her guy, Karen or Golparvar.
I lost my morals for you; I once said I’d never touch a girl
like you. So I taste defeat but you’re still w*g meat and not to be mean but
you’ll never be clean so don’t take the likes as a sign that you’re wanted
because if they knew the truth that your skin is haunted then they wouldn’t be
begging it hiding behind a screen, peel back the filter and you’d hear them
scream. And I have this recurring dream, like you’re out there now behaving
like you did with me, booking a cab or something like that, a train to go and
see a guy, kiss him on the sofa, tell him a lie. Back to being needy, meeting
up with blokes, inhale the spliff of ‘freedom’ but there’s ugly in these tokes.
R.I.P. like Rita Ora said, those days are over you’re guna
be a whore instead. Every night another dirty bed, another cock getting head.
Laugh about it in the morning but deep down you’re dead, because the expensive
clothes will never hide the fact that your pussy’s red.
Follow guys on Twitter that you’ve met on nights out, just like you did to me. Message you on Facebook cos no fitter girl have they ever seen. Time flys when you’re having fun, but time drags when you’re tasting cum. I don’t need confirmation that you’re behaving like a used and abused whore, texting to meet up for a drink within days was enough, denying it before you are caught. Until the day I die I’ll die every time knowing during our day you were getting to know another guy. 11th to Christmas. From not knowing a name to calling them ‘the boys’, New Years Eve bleeds on my soul. Feeds my hurt that I can’t let go.
Someone once told me that you never really loved me, and more than anything I wanted them to be wrong. And for a time they were but I’ll always want to know why, when I asked you not to you still made my life a lie? AND when I gave you a chance, which I’d never usually give, you continued to lie, wasting my time, spending your nights in the arms of other guys. Right to the end, 27th on my bed, I asked you for the truth and lies you told instead. Tell me what happened, for your love to cease, tell me why you brought me pain when you said you’d bring me peace?
Remember on your 21st, when I got you a shout out in Oceana? Did we go to a place where you saw you and Ben? Why would he be messaging you to go back to his? Was I walking in the footprints of your lies again? You’ll never know the unbearable pain of not having the truth in your mind, told me you met Will the year before, haha!.. another doubtful time. Straight to my face, so write me the truth? Let me let you go you’ve got nothing to lose. I said you felt different the last time I felt you, not thinking about who you coulda fucked, trying to remember the last hand I dealt you, last time you kissed me when you loved me, last time we made up, planned for the future but was your mind made up? A cunt bringing my stuff back to mine, erasing me from your life for the last time. I was good enough for you, but her mind-set is not, you may not remember me but my girl would have never forgot. With her by your side you WILL rot, the path you’ve chosen is not you, it’s not happy and it’s not the truth.
Telling people private things? Put me down so you can fit in? Guys asking are you single now so they can fuck you? Cuss me so they like you? Breath the naïve in to your heart, we’re not together, thought we’d never be apart? When I told you that story you cried and you squeezed me, wanted me to stop talking and said you’d never leave me. That time you came to my door, I was sick of fighting but for us you fought, I never wanted you to be a lesson but looks like I’ve been taught. DTA like I said before I met you, follow my own path, look at my own dreams that I’m tryna get to. My dreams changed to involve you forever, tell me what really happened for us not to be together?
See I’ll be only breaking bread with the people I’ve starved with, stay true to myself none of this rolex swarve shit. You said you’d phone the police & then I knew your mind had been fully stolen, weakness is not illegal, but what you’ve done to me is a crime, you were frightened to be left on your own, yet to leave me on mine you didn’t mind?
I just wish I got to show you the best of me, you loved me at my lowest, but walked away before the end, and love is lonely if it’s not with my best friend, and I know we could have been happy somewhere around the bend, because the roads they curve and the paths they break, and I’d always swerve to try and change our fate.
And when you’re cut it’ll be me you bleed, because still inside I am beside you, the soul you introduced suicide to. Now whenever you decide to wake up from the poison that decided to blind you don’t look for me because I’ll come and find you. Just give me sign, a metaphor a wink, wake up sleeping beauty- we’ll go for a drink.
