Mock The Weak

I found myself in the unfortunate situation the other day, where I came to that cross-road in the process of joke making, that I have found myself in many a time. “Gunn, veer off to the good side & don’t say anything’ !!!, I screamed to myself, as I saw the opportunity to pounce on a friend as he was at his weakest. I couldn’t help myself, it’s a disease. I got straight onto the case of winding him up, expecting him to enter a witty quip of his own into the msn message bar and press enter. His comeback was less than remarkable, he just rolled over & gave in. I wanted a Liverpool versus Ac Milan comeback from him. Instead he gave me the French defending their home from German invasion.

I was mocking a conversation I saw he had on facebook, with a girl who is a friend of mine, who he met at one of my spectacular gatherings. Obviously there was an immediate attraction & the obligatory trip to the cinema occurred. The downfall however, was immense. Romeo & Juliet’s parting can only wallow in insignificance at this short lived love story. Basically she said, and I quote, ‘You’re my new best friend’. Ouch!! The pain rumbles through my soul like the bearer of bad news has delivered my lives worth all in one go. But wait, she hasn’t said it to me. So it’s funny.

The ability to be subtle is not an attribute many girls have. I think I would prefer girls to just be blunt, rather than insult me with there niceties. What was she actually thinking when she said that to him? ‘oh I don’t want to hurt his feelings, so I’ll mention he is my new best friend, that will soften the blow’?? Obviously he didn’t care, and was quick to mention he noticed that she said that, and that would explain why she has ignored his texts & calls for the last fortnight. He is after all a man, & the ‘ plenty more fish in the sea’ way of thinking quickly kicked in, as he explained he was looking for a new girl to ‘do things to when he wanted’. Immense.

The fact that these lady folk try to let blokes know that they just want to be mates & try to let them down gently is not the problem. For me it’s the fact they think that men are too stupid to notice. Off the top of my head, the last couple of weeks I’ve been talking to a girl, probably the only girl I would actually go and check if they’re online to start a conversation with & probably the only girl who brings me the feeling of happiness when I hear the facebook popup noise & her name appears. This is not a ‘oh look she’s on I can start seducing her’ kind of gladness. I know my boredom is about to be cured, I know that I can wind her up & she will give it back as good as she’s got. I can look past the fact that she is one of the most beautiful girls that has ever walked the earth, for the simple fact she is more than the way she looks & I don’t have to painstakingly carry the conversation for the whole journey. But why then, after hours of talking about stuff, making up hypothetical stories about her future homelessness & at no point ever taking the conversation to a level that exceeds friendship, does she insist on always ending the talk with ‘anyways matey, got to go, bye’. Okay so she puts the x kiss at the end. But does she honestly have to kill it off with MATEY. I think guys whether they like a girl in that way or not, still hope that she fancies them. I’d hate to think that she realises that she has just spent a small slice of her life with me, realised its been a long time & any conversation with the opposite sex longer then two words could give them the wrong idea. As realisation hits her, & she is backed into a corner, the only way out is to show me the last hours of ranting like mad people were all in the name of friendship.

The mistakes I have made in the past is to always bring the conversation around to matters of the heart & sex. In my old age, laziness has taken hold, and I just cannot be bothered. Especially with people I like, with people I don’t really like, its always nice to humour them. If you can’t humour the bewildered, who can you humour eh??

I do get the feeling, I am reading to much into my case of the ‘matey’, after all I do call my mum mate, & my uncle calls my auntie mate all the time. I pretty much call everyone mate. So I am going to let people call me mate. I’ve decided. Nothing can be worse than you paying for the date & then after the girl saying straight up ‘you’re my new best mate’, can it ?? Although ‘the course of true love never did run smooth’ & ‘matey’ isn’t mate, it sounds a bit more friendly. grrr …


BRB, I can hear the Facebook pop-up noise.