It has been a time of myths and fables. Taking off
tags and being stuck with new labels. Being unable to become stable.
Standing alone now with a rope of cable. Balancing on the chair from
the table....
Every single word was unheard. Every single story
untold. Counting years it's the third. Bits of truth in the cold. Bold
statements. No hate relents. Only the ones in the know see the sense.
Only few were told.
This is the end. This is the note that we all pretend
will never come. On the kitchen surface. Enveloped. You're nervous.
Peel or rip. Peel so you can still feel my lip. It's just like before
you open your presents but this time you can feel my presence. The foot
steps in the hall. The whisper that used to be a phone call. You're
alone like I was left alone to fall. Any clues in the convo, thought we
were getting on though? Believed the smile that was on show. Now you
see you were wrong though.
In life there's a clause. It says you must hurt and
the hurt is just a pause. It's nothing. It's stillness. But you can see
everyone else move and it kills you like an illness. The dreams with a
genuine like realness. We have been put into a box. It has become a
cage and there's no keys to the locks. You scream and you bang but
nobody hears the knocks. I am dead. Long live the fox.
It crawls in a cruel way. It knows just the thought
makes you afraid. Your bed has been made. You scream that your dues
have been paid. Not even a flame lights the way. It's not a matter of
if but when. It's got you. Hope will rot you. What you have become is
not you. The time has come. Nobody can stop you.....
I've told the story of this person in parts, go back
to the beginning where it all starts, with fear and broken hearts.
Laughs and beer baths. Black Jack cards and Rat Pack bars. Being an
arse and finishing last. Regretting the past. Lying on my back in parks
looking up at the stars. Sitting in the back of cars thinking these
days are ours.
Scars on the page that has stayed brave. The soldier
that rode the wave. But now cannot be saved. A story has been made. The
bruises now will fade. No longer a need to be afraid.
The excuse is not an execution. The noose is not a
suspect. Life is the insect. Who began to infect the perfect. Death
will be worth it. You have yet to unearth it. The power of thought.
That you have not yet fought. I have been taught to run now. Nothing
was done how I wanted. My soul was haunted. This is fear in fifth gear.
I screamed but you did not hear. I was here. I was near. You had
ignorance in your ear.
Truth is ruthless. Now lying is useless. I am
protected by the end. Guarded by the feeling that you felt before
breathing. I am leaving. Myself from you I am stealing. No use kneeling
and reeling. This is not something I believe in.
I have aches. In my heart from pondering my mistakes.
I have been a man who hates. A man who will wait before it's too late.
A man who hesitates. I've known fakes and how to the raise the stakes.
I've seen what the world gives and what it takes. It has taken me. As
soon as it had awaken me. To see what you disbelieve. Another tangled
web we weave. Now it's time for me to leave.
Evil latches on and sticks. The nails of the devil
scratches and hits like bricks. Lit matches on the candle wicks. I
can't handle the fix. We melt not because we've never felt but because
we felt too much. Knelt and cut our knees on the gutter. Gamble on the
flutter. Cries that stutter. A hard liar. Scarred by lives barbed wire.
Trapped in a fire. Clapped by an audience that have begun to tire. The
situation is dire in the mire.
My engine is cringing but I can't delete the truth of
the time. I re-read my words and rhymes. Remembering how I felt with
every line. Would I re-live this time? Would I return to the scene of
the crime? I remember the lows. I remember the clothes from the night.
Blows from the fight. A girl or two that I liked. In a time when I was
not me to show them. I'm still not here completely. My pain is hidden
neatly. It is a new devil. Which revels in never being seen. This is
not the me that I have been. I am fully here. No Love. No Hate. No Hope.
But not every tale I told has my name on the ending.
Feelings have gone. The story goes on. My suspicions were wrong. Change
is real. In people and me. In heart and in mind. Love is blind. Life is
sore. Everything was written from a circumstance before. This is my
chance to die or dance on the floor. My debt is with regret.Time to bet on fight or fail. Let go of betrayal. Put the nail in the coffin of doubt. To live. In or out?
Be strong the pain will be useful to you. Don't
forget the youthful you you knew. To win you must lose. So this is me
after all. Time and time again I said this is not the man I am. I'm a man who couldn't give a damn. A man who never ran. Yet the invisible untold story is bursting out in witty quips. In whiskey sips. In the blood that drips from my lips. I have become. Numb. Broken dreams are fine for some. The only one
I should have won is gone. Age has taken my childhood. Nothing ever
good came from the hood. So why should I? The War is on the horizon.
Say your goodbyes then hand me a sword. This is me. I am not a fraud.
Adored, bored, but still not cured.
Back on the chair. Truth or Dare? The smell of death
is in the air. The smell of hopelessness is hard to bare. The rope
feels heavy in my hands. I hope everybody understands. The pain is deep
the future bleak. A light a door a chance I seek. Maybe not today then.
I'll put the rope down beside me. Thus telling death never mind me.
I'll remember you vaguely but today you won't plague me. I. AM. ALIVE.
The end of this adventure is here. Thank-you for
allowing me to steer the wheel of existence. No more words will paint
this background. It will be silent like no sound. I will still be. He
will still be. It will still be. This will be still. I will still feel.
None of this is real.
I have died inside. The new dream has not. I won't let it. The End came for me but I had to upset it. I have stumbled. I regret it.
Boy meets World...Now I Get It.
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